wordplayground

at first glance
i knew she was the most beautiful girl in the world
but she kept walking
and through the bagginess of her burgundy t-shirt
i saw every seam of the training bra
as it clung to her skin

my second thought about this - the most beautiful girl in the world
is that she's dying
i wonder if she knows
then i wonder if people looked at me and thought the same things - 
not the most beautiful,
but the part about dying

would they have told me? and
should i be telling her
that to be perfect, she'll have to die?
but she's gone already
perhaps she just died.

i'm left alone, studying the way my new pen leaves ink on the page
i liked the pen i had to replace better
the way i liked the body i replaced better
but it too would have died
i'd rather one that leaves too much ink on the page

beauty was never only skin deep.
this is america.
we know beauty is thin.
we tally and target the overweight,
the average american.
but i was never average,
and i hate america,
so what is my excuse?

it's a beautiful day,
yes, and im a beautiful girl.
tell me something i havent heard.
tell me you were wrong, 
and you really care.
oh, but ive heard that too.
tell me something that will make a difference in my life,
or in my day at least.
tell me what its like to be you.
tell me something passionate.
tell me you still want to kiss me
or hold me or take me away.
its a beautiful day,
i could see that for myself.

this moment
is one of the most beautiful:
just after sunrise,
a light rain
splashing a thousand little circles 
on a pond,
and a thousand more ripples.
a family of geese:
mother, father,
two babies, still fuzzy and new to the world
and everything
is incredibly peaceful.

if you wanted to find god,
you should start looking here.
because if i were god,
i would be a place
as beautiful and peaceful as this.
and it says something - 
that god is always a place for me -
a place you could come to,
and a place to eventually leave.

every time your name appears
i get this anger i'll define as guilt
and i feel i should have explained to you
that i meant well
i should have warned you, that

i want to save the world
fly a kite
be your best friend
raise a chimpanzee
live in a library, 
a jungle, a boat and a tree

and i say each one so honestly, earnestly, realistically
not knowing that i will break every promise i make to myself
to prove every sparkling point
that i am not all i said i would be

i am		
	scared
	insecure
	lost in the clouds
	even beautiful on random detached days

i saw your indiana plates and forgot where i was for a moment. i think i even may have forgot who i was. indiana. throws me off guard. but i’m accepting this. i’ve seen a part of the world that you may have called home. but i look up at this never ending city and i remember where i am. i know who i am and you can’t take that away from me. hello world. i’ve come out of my shell. unprotected, i’m not even afraid. this is beautiful, being me. i may even call this home.