long hoped for
what's in a name
march 05, 2004 | 12:35 am
let me go back to another time, another day, and start over. there have been too many tears, at twenty-three my well is running dry. too many loves, too many introductions, good-byes, too much packing, unpacking, too many memories in storage. there are too many unread books, unplayed c.d.s, pictures in boxes, too many faces i remember only when reminded. too many numbers: 714. 949. 805. 661. 219. 317. she doesn't live here anymore. change of address, times sixteen. and who could keep up? maybe that was the point. and while i may have been sincere, i shorted every one along the way. i was looking in so many directions, my mind racing with so many thoughts, you could be two feet to my right, or two thousand miles to my left, and i would still be in a world of make-believe, where
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three months in
october 31, 2002 | thanksgiving hideaway
first you're irritated because i'm trying to be nice, i'm caring, but trying not to care too much. i'm in tears because nothing i do coincides with your minute. because i don't coincide with you.
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theme song
april 06, 2001 | 01:27 am
play my theme song. and you did. i really found myself in that, but then i realized that lately, i've discovered myself in a lot of new places. so i'm learning i don't really need a set self-definition. cause being desiree could mean a lot of different things.
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dear mother
march 28, 2001
dear mother, i have something to tell you, something you don't want to hear. i revert to a seven-year-old crying over spilled milk, afraid to admit that my grandfather was dead or that i never believed i was eating the body and blood of your jesus christ.
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the first reference
january 27, 2001
i don't even know : who or what or how i am. i've been so busy filling a role someone else created. i've been focused on being christian or vegan or non-christian or gay or straight or undecided here i am and i don't even know who desiree is being desiree is only something long hoped for
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every me
november 08, 2000
i keep thinking i have to be something i have to have a definition everytime a tear drops i change my mind i am more undecided than this election and i think "here i am - a part of this history - deciding debating discussing - watching in disbelief disgust" and i don't even know what i am i could prove to you - fact evidence debate rebuttal - that i am one thing switch spots so i can prove to you (same process as before) that i am the exact opposite you'll move on forget every me because i couldn't decide on one
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